Sunday, November 22, 2009

blogging my miscarriage pt.3

Warning, the following post may contain graphic descriptions and/or pictures that may disturb you. Read at your own risk.

November 22:
Aaron gets home from work around 1:30. My contractions have really ramped up, and I want to get back into the tub. I show him the hat I made for the baby, and he looks at me as if he thinks I've gone crazy. He hugs me and won't let me go.

I run the bath water and pull a stool with some books and magazines over near the tub. As soon as get into the water the blood starts gushing out. I see what I think is the baby's back, but it comes out more and it is a face. I am really freaked out, and it takes me a minute to calm back down.

With each contraction, blood rushes into the bathtub. The water is dark pink. I don't want Aaron to be scared if he should come into the bathroom so I close the shower curtain. Sure enough, he soon comes to check on me. I warn him not to look. I assure him I'm fine and tell him it's very important that he comes back in ten minutes because I really can't tell how much blood I'm losing in the water.

The baby finally comes out with a pop, but it is attached by its cord still. I try to study it but it's not out far enough for me to really see. I'm afraid for it to stay in the tub because I'm afraid it will disintegrate before I can take some pictures. There is some filmy looking stuff attached to it, and I can't decide if it's just remnants of the amniotic sac or if its skin is coming off.

I wait and wait through horrible contractions thinking that the placenta should be coming soon. Finally a lot of bloody tissue comes out. I think it is the placenta, but the baby is still stuck. I wait and wait some more.

I finally get tired of emptying and refilling the tub and just want out! I think the baby's cord must be attached to a small piece of placenta that just won't let go. So I decide to cut the cord so I can get out of the tub and start taking pictures of the baby. I figure the rest of the placenta will come out in a while.

I clean up the baby as best as I can and take some pictures. I pray they turn out ok. The hat fits pretty well, but I end up having to make a large cuff.

The baby is so fragile and feels a little like the surface of jello. I was not expecting this. I am fairly certain it is a boy. His little face is so sweet, and his arms and legs are perfect. The hands and feet are beautiful and remind me of tiny baby doll hands. His head is still large, and his neck seems to be swollen. I'm not sure if this is indicative of something being wrong. My pet theory is that my body has kept pumping blood into his, but since his little body wasn't able to pump it back out it has pooled into his neck. He's somewhere around 3-5 inches long. It's hard to tell for sure because his body wants to stay curled up like it was inside.

These were all taken in water.

While I am taking the pictures, I soak through pad after pad. The midwife warned me that this is a sign of hemorrhaging so I know I should probably head to the hospital. I clean up the bathroom as best as I can, and put the baby into the refrigerator. I wake up Aaron and we're on our way to the hospital. It's about 4:00.

I get into a room quickly once we reach the hospital. I am petrified they will have to perform a D&C. The nurse helps me undress and get into bed, and as soon as we pull down my underwear a huge blob rushes out. It is the placenta. What I had seen before was just a lot of blood clots. I saw my placenta after Amelie's delivery so I thought I knew what to look for. I had just assumed the earlier blood clots looked different from what I had seen before because this was a miscarriage. Once the placenta is out the bleeding is drastically stemmed.

The doctor does a pelvic exam and orders a sonogram just to make sure all the tissue has passed. They also draw blood and run some saline. The sonogram comes back clean. No D&C is necessary! My blood work also comes back good. The doctor says I must not have been anemic before so that's a good thing. I am free to go.

We get home at 7:00 and fall into the bed. It is finally over.

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