jealousy

Oh...I'm in such a bad place. I have to admit that I have a more than a tinge of jealousy when I read about pregnant women or women with new babies.

It was bad after I lost Avery. But I had the hope that I could get pregnant again and soon be holding another baby. But now, two more losses later, I just don't have much of that hope left.

I really, really want another baby. But nine months seems like an eternity. And that's not even counting the months of waiting until I'm able to get pregnant. And it's not counting any added months should I lose another one. Patience is not my strong suit and having to wait and not knowing the future just fuels the fire.

People love to tell me that I should be grateful for the two beautiful children I have - and I am. But that doesn't lessen my sorrow at the babies I've lost or diminish my longing for another baby I can hold and love every day.