Friday, July 3, 2009

couldn't have said it better

People don't seem to understand me anymore. If I was still a teenager, looking at this version of me, I wouldn't understand me, either. This version of me is a surprise. But I like her. And I can't explain it to you in a clever, read-able way. Because, despite my teenage dreams, I'm not a writer - at least not a very good one. Thankfully, Matthew Archbold (and his brother Patrick) over at Creative Minority Report is a writer. And he summed up how I feel about this point in my life very nicely in this post. Here is a particular meaningful passage:
The question sometimes comes up in conversation with old friends. What was the best time of your life? And I'm sometimes embarrassed to admit it but right now is the best time of my life. Truly. And I'm a short chubby bearded dad living in the suburbs. I mow my lawn. I pay bills. I talk to my wife about what she did that day. I change diapers. Lots of them. Sometimes we go get ice cream. I do all those things that angsty pubescents jeer at.

I've lived in the suburbs coming up on ten years. And I've yet to feel my soul sucked. I don't really do angst. I think I used to. But I think I've forgotten where I put my existential angst. I'm happy. And even more importantly, I'm content. I'm focused.

So often his characters are running around and saying they're looking to "feel" something. I think I'm content because I don't consider my feelings all that important. And because of that I feel things more intensely than I did ever before in my life. A child's utterances can have me laughing all day. I feel the pain of a parent who sees his child hurt. I feel tired just about all the time but it's the tired that comes from doing something you love. It's not the weary kind of tired that Mendes' characters seem to feel.

And finally, there's one thing I don't ever remember hearing from Mendes' characters: God.

God, thankfully, is at the center of my life. And that puts me in proper perspective.
Now if, like Mendes' character seem to often do, I found myself at the center of my own universe I'd be pretty depressed too.

Obviously I'm not a dad. And I live in an apartment so there is no mowing of lawns. But most of the rest of it fits. So, while you and my teenage self may not understand me, there are people out there, thankfully, who do.

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