musings from lavatea

2011 family pictures

2012-01-09T10:11:00.000-06:00

I've toyed with the idea of closing this blog down, but I think I'll leave it. I'm coming to grips with the fact that I'm just not a blogger.

I came across a beautiful post today by Tara Whitney, and I wanted to quote a piece of it before I share some of our family pictures with you.

“Not looking” can make a shot really unique and personal. However, getting them to look at you can be a special kind of challenge, and therefore, a special kind of satisfaction. What I personally want to fight against is the idea that if one or more people aren’t making a pleasant face at the photographer, if the photo is imperfect in some way, that means the photo isn’t worthy of framing or sharing or loving. Those are usually my favorite and the most important to me down the road. Even if a child is having a crap day – well, okay then – we all have crap days. That is what is honest. That is what is unique about them. That is the very reason for freezing your family at any moment in time, in my eyes. More so, a thousand TIMES more so, than the image with everyone looking with a perfect face into the camera.

That pretty much sums up our family picture adventure. One or both of my children were constantly not cooperating. But I love the pictures anyway.

BTW, our pictures weren't taken by Tara. Didn't want anyone to get confused. They were taken by a very talented lady I work with - Sonja Lackey.

a year in review - April 2010

2011-09-03T19:29:00.001-05:00

This blog has been seriously neglected. Sorry about that if you actually read along.

I totally forgot about this project. So glad to pick it back up as it sort of relates to the reason I signed in (see this post).

This is about the best I ever get when I try to get the two of them to pose.

cool photography links

2011-09-03T19:28:00.002-05:00

Some pretty cool photo ideas I ran across today. I think they're probably cooler as a collection, but they might be fun for personal use anyway.

Dear Photograph
Sleeveface
Back to the Future

a year in review - March 2010

2011-03-11T08:00:00.002-06:00

one of my favorite pictures - Aiden and Uncle Terry

a year in review - February 2010

2011-03-10T08:00:00.004-06:00

a sculpture by Amelie

a year in review - January 2010

2011-03-09T08:00:00.002-06:00

a normal day

book no.1 - Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America

2011-03-08T08:00:00.000-06:00

I had wanted to read Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich for a long time, and I had it listed on my wishlist at Bookcrossing. (As a side note - Bookcrossing is amazing. I haven't been very active there in, oh, probably 8 or 9 years, but it's a site worth looking into if you have the time.) A fellow Bookcrosser got in touch with me and offered to send me the book. I said OK and then forgot about the book again until it showed up in my mailbox.

The basic premise of the book is that the author goes undercover as a blue collar worker in various cities to see if she can make enough to survive. She sets herself up in each town with a place to live, and goes about finding a job and then working it. She lives thriftily and sees if at the end of the month she has made enough to pay for the next month's rent.

You can probably guess from the full title of the book just how well she fared. The book offers an interesting insight into low wage jobs and not much more. (I found the chapter on maid services particularly fascinating.) I've worked some of these low earning jobs myself, so I guess I already knew first hand the probable outcome. Fortunately I've had family to support me. You do feel for the people stuck in this vicious cycle.

The author isn't particularly funny, and she doesn't offer much that I, and most of America I suspect, didn't already know. She seemed to have a particular hatred for drug testing - I guess because she's a pot smoker. But she goes off on the injustice of drug testing on multiple occasions in the book, and I got bored with that pretty quickly. I see no harm in companies drug testing their employees, and I seriously doubt they do it to dehumanize prospective employees and exert their power and control from the onset.

All in all the book was an OK read. Nothing earth shattering was revealed in its pages, and the writing style was ho-hum. Not a bad read if you have it lying around, but I wouldn't go out of my way to find a copy.

New Year's resolutions

2011-03-07T22:39:00.000-06:00

I started this post in January. Can you believe it's March now? Oh, well - things have been crazy (what's new) while we've tried to adjust to our new schedules.

I don't usually make hard and fast resolutions, but I do try to reflect on my life and see what needs to be changed or worked on. So, without further ado, here's my list of things to work on for 2011:

stand up straight - I don't think my posture is horrible, but it could certainly be better. I'm going to make an effort to notice when my shoulders are slumping and to pull them up.
spend more time playing with the kids - Amelie has complained several times that I never make time to actually play with them. So I'm going to try to do better.
make a schedule and stay on it - I'm horrible at time management. I start something, get distracted and start something else, and before you know it the whole day is gone and very little has been accomplished. I'm hoping a schedule will at least help me get a little more done.
get Amelie caught up on school work and stay caught up - We've actually made some strides toward this now that I'm working and not in school. I try to get her through at least two days' work every day I'm at home with her. It doesn't always happen, but each little bit gets us that much closer. We're also working through breaks that are built into the schedule. We may have to work into the summer, but I think we'll be ready to start second grade on time.
make time daily for prayer and devotions - I'm trying to make time for this at breakfast time. I find if I put it off until after that it often doesn't get done. My mom got me a subscription to Magnificat so that has helped.
have a baby - I know I'm not in control of this one, but I hope to either have a baby or be well on my way to having one by the end of the year. When my insurance kicks in at work I'll be heading to the OBGYN to see if they can find out the reason I've had so many miscarriages. Hopefully they'll find the problem and it will be something fixable.
put $1000 into savings and pay off $3500 worth of bills - The $1000 will be easy since we're getting a nice tax refund. But the $3500 will take a little more planning and budgeting. It be really nice if we could get even more than that paid off.
make exercise a regular part of my routine - I'm so terrible at this, but I have to do it. I need to get healthy, and I need to lose some of this extra weight.
declutter - I've already started this one, and it has made a big difference in the apartment. I'm also trying to partially follow the FLYlady system to stay on top of chores. It's nice to be able to relax at night in a semi-clean apartment.

challenge

2011-01-31T22:56:00.000-06:00

I'm a bookworm. But over the past seven years or so I just haven't been as voracious as I once was. There are so many books that I want to read, and I really want to make reading a priority in my life again. While I was driving tonight I came up with a challenge for myself - one book per week for a year. Some weeks I might read more and some weeks I might read less, so it should work itself out in the end. Since it will be February in an hour I'm already a little behind (I've only read two books since the new year began).

So, 52 book in 2011. Care to join in?

Advent reflection no.2

2010-12-07T10:41:00.000-06:00

I came across another reflection on Advent, very similar to my last post. This one comes from Fr. Frank Pavone, national director of Priests for Life.

“She wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn” (Luke 2:7).

The fact that there was no room for Jesus, Mary, and Joseph in the inn at Bethlehem on the first Christmas should make us wonder, because the birth of Christ was foreseen and planned by God from all eternity. Hundreds of years before it happened, the prophets announced he would be born of a virgin (Is. 7:14) and that Bethlehem would be his birthplace (Micah 5:2). Many other details of his life and death were also foretold. Did God, then, forget to make room for his only Son? How is it possible that there was no room, when the child born at Christmas owns the inn, and Bethlehem, and the world, and every inch of room in the whole universe?

Obviously, God did this on purpose. There was no room in the inn, because this demonstrates that world has rejected God. The world makes no room for the God who created it. There was no room in the inn because God wanted to show that His Son comes as a Savior, to reconcile a world that is at enmity with God. Being turned away from the inn foreshadows the fact that the Savior himself will be rejected, despised, and ultimately crucified, and that all this was part of God’s plan from all eternity. Ultimately, the lack of room in the inn symbolizes the lack of room we make for him in our hearts. When our hearts are filled with all kinds of other desires than God, we gradually crowd him out altogether.

No room at the inn also means that we fail to make room for our brothers and sisters. The first great commandment is to love God, and the second is like it: Love your neighbor. Christ willed to be left out, because he is always in solidarity with those who are left out, shut out, and crowded out. That is the position of the unborn children today. They are crowded out of the busy schedules of so many people doing so many good and important things, but who don’t have a finger to lift to protect the lives of these children from abortion. They are crowded out of legislative agendas, preaching schedules, career plans, and volunteer activities. There’s just too much going on already; there’s no room in the inn.

Christ comes at Christmas to change all that. Today, he does not seek an inn; he seeks room in our own hearts and lives. And he asks that as we welcome him, we welcome everyone whom he welcomes, including the children most defenseless and forgotten. We welcome the Divine Child, and in doing so, we welcome every child. As we celebrate Christmas, we sing in “O Holy Night” the words, “Chains shall he break, for the slave is our brother, and in his name all oppression shall cease.” Amen! Let oppression cease and let Christmas come for the unborn!

Advent reflection

2010-12-02T11:35:00.001-06:00

I came across this reflection today, and I wanted to share it with anyone (anyone??) that has stuck with my extremely long dry spell and is still checking in on my blog. (Thank you if you're there, and my apologies that life has been both so crazy and so dull that there hasn't been much in the way of blog fodder.)

O little inn of Bethlehem
How like we are to you.
Our lives are crowded to the brim
With this and that to do.
We're not unfriendly to the King,
We mean well without a doubt;
We have no hostile feelings,
We merely crowd Him out.

(Getting Ready for Christmas, ed. Emma Lapp)

Can someone tell me why?

2010-08-07T10:17:00.000-05:00

I received an e-mail today from Human Life International that alerted me to the situation in Kenya. (I've had my head in the sand this summer, so I really don't have much clue as to what is going on in the world.)

The Kenyan people just voted to adopt a new Constitution. Their previous Constitution had strong Pro-Life language, as does this one, with a clear difference:

In fact, the wording of the new constitution retains part of this strong pro-life language: "Every person has the right to life. The life of a person begins at conception." Yet in another demonstration of the deception employed regularly by pro-abortion elites, an unelected international committee of "experts" added the following in Article 26: "Abortion is not permitted unless, in the opinion of a trained health professional, there is need for emergency treatment, or the life or health of the mother is in danger, or if permitted by any other law."

So the doorway is clearly open for abortion. I'm so tired of these international committees swooping into countries and promoting their agenda. I'm not one of these fanatically anti-UN people, because I think cooperation among the world's government could be a good thing, but all of these side committees whose sole purpose appears to be promoting abortion and population control disgust me. (I'm not sure if the "international committee" in this case is part of the UN or not.)

But the real kicker to this story can be found in this paragraph:

How did this happen? A large part of the blame can be placed upon the Obama administration, which spent over $23 million of US tax payer money to promote passage of the new constitution. Pro-life Congressman Chris Smith (R-NJ) and others have forced an investigation by the office of the Inspector General, revealing the expenditures, which, despite the administration's denials can be traced easily to openly pro-abortion organizations who were charged with getting out the vote in support of the referendum.

Where does the US get off spending $23 million dollars in another country - not to mention on such a disgusting mission? Aren't we the ones that keep borrowing money from China? We shouldn't be sending money overseas for any reason (in my opinion) until we are solvent at home. I know that the US funds a lot of foreign aid programs for poorer countries. And that's a laudable effort. But does it make sense to borrow from someone else in order to fund these programs?

I'm not a politician, and I don't claim to know all of the ins and outs of the government and its twisted system. So maybe someone else can explain how the US being some sort of middle-man makes sense.

But even if it makes sense to borrow from one country to give aid to another, what's happened in Kenya cannot be considered "aid". In fact, it seems to actually be illegal.

But here's the catch: Spending government funds to lobby for or against abortion in foreign countries is illegal through a law known as the Siljander Amendment, and they've been caught red-handed. Not that they appear to have any respect for law, or any policy they haven't created themselves.

I hope that this investigation ends up getting some people in some major hot water. But I doubt that's going to happen. And in any case, the damage has been done in Kenya.

in love

2010-08-05T16:01:00.000-05:00

I've been slowly making my way through the horrible backlog of pictures on the computer - sorting, editing, deleting. I'm by no means anywhere near finished. I'd like to be finished before summer's end, but I doubt that's going to happen. I have a few more photo projects I've thought up, but they require time, effort, and money - just a few things I'm short of right now.

Anyway, here are a few things that I love about these pictures:

I love Aiden's excitement and uncertainty.
I love Amelie's chubby, dirty hands, and that she's delighted by even the smallest things.
I love the way Amelie's vibrant personality shines through.
I love Aiden's quirkiness and his crazy hair.

jealousy

2010-08-04T22:39:00.000-05:00

Oh...I'm in such a bad place. I have to admit that I have a more than a tinge of jealousy when I read about pregnant women or women with new babies.

It was bad after I lost Avery. But I had the hope that I could get pregnant again and soon be holding another baby. But now, two more losses later, I just don't have much of that hope left.

I really, really want another baby. But nine months seems like an eternity. And that's not even counting the months of waiting until I'm able to get pregnant. And it's not counting any added months should I lose another one. Patience is not my strong suit and having to wait and not knowing the future just fuels the fire.

People love to tell me that I should be grateful for the two beautiful children I have - and I am. But that doesn't lessen my sorrow at the babies I've lost or diminish my longing for another baby I can hold and love every day.

5 things for the brand new week

2010-07-19T11:13:00.000-05:00

1) I've decided to start reading to the kids more. This has always been a goal of mine, but it just never seems to happen. My plan is to read a Bible story sometime in the morning and a chapter from a chapter book at night before bed. I tried to read a chapter out of The Hobbit last Thursday night before the kids went to sleep, and it resulted in the kids playing (not listening), me storming out of the room (not pretty), me locking myself in my room and bawling like a baby, and the kids in their room with Amelie bawling like a baby and begging me to come back. It was bad, but I decided to give it another shot. This morning's Bible story went much better. It was just one page, though. We'll see how tonight goes. I may have to give up on The Hobbit for now and dig around and find a shorter book or at least a book with shorter chapters.

2) Today has been declared a cleaning day. There's already a load of clothes in the dryer and one in the washer. But there is SO SO SO much more to do. Guess I need to get off the computer soon.

3) It's time to dig in and get Amelie's school back on track. We've been averaging 1-2 days of school per week. My goal is 4 days per week which I think is doable, but we haven't found a good groove yet. We really need to find it, though, because there is much more work for first grade than there was for kindergarten.

4) I'm doing another novena right now. St. Anne is my patron saint and her feast day is coming up. I began my novena yesterday, but I'm not putting pictures up on the blog this time.

5) I'm trying to readjust what time I wake up in the morning. Sounds simple, I know, but for some reason I've been practically dead to the world until 10:30 am for the past 2 weeks. I'm trying to wake up and get up between 8:30 and 9:30 now (without forcing myself up with an alarm). I was able to get up at 9:50 this morning so I guess that's progress.

Our Mother of Perpetual Help novena - day nine

2010-06-27T12:00:00.001-05:00

Painting is from the Pictures page on the website of St. Silas the Martyr in London.

Our Mother of Perpetual Help novena - day eight

2010-06-26T12:00:00.000-05:00

Painting by Svitozar Nenyuk can be purchased here.

Our Mother of Perpetual Help novena - day seven

2010-06-25T12:00:00.000-05:00

This picture can be found on the Society of St. Pius X in Canada page for Our Lady of Perpetual Help.

Our Mother of Perpetual Help novena - day six

2010-06-24T12:00:00.000-05:00

Stained glass image is from the Artwork page of the St. Catherine Labouré Roman Catholic Mission in Chino Valley, Arizona.

Our Mother of Perpetual Help novena - day five

2010-06-23T12:00:00.000-05:00

Photo is from the Wheeling, WV library site and is of a mosaic on the outside of Our Lady of Perpetual Help Ukrainian Catholic Church.

Our Mother of Perpetual Help novena - day four

2010-06-22T12:00:00.001-05:00

Image by artist Dan Paulos and is available for sale here.

Our Mother of Perpetual Help novena - day three

2010-06-21T12:00:00.002-05:00

Image from one of the pages of the Melkite Greek Catholic Church.

Our Mother of Perpetual Help novena - day two

2010-06-20T12:00:00.002-05:00

Image comes from the Our Lady of Perpetual Help novena website of the Catholic Church of the Most Holy Redeemer.

Our Mother of Perpetual Help novena - day one

2010-06-19T12:00:00.002-05:00

I am beginning another novena, this time in honor of Our Mother of Perpetual Help. She is also known as Our Lady of Perpetual Help or Our Mother of Perpetual Succor.

I am taking my prayers from a copyrighted publication so I won't post sample prayers this time, but if you want to join in there are many examples on the internet. Or you could always just make up your own. Remember, praying to a saint is just like talking to one of your earthly friends and asking them to pray for you.

The only "rule" for a novena is to pray for a space of nine days. They don't even have to be consecutive, although that's how I'm setting up my novenas. (Please feel free to correct me in the comments below if you know better. I am still a new Catholic and could be wrong.)

I hope the pictures I post will help you in your prayers. By the way, I plan to go back and post credit for my St. Anthony pictures where possible. I didn't think of it at the time, but many of the pictures probably need to be credited.

There is no credit for this image. As far as I know this image is the basic icon for Our Mother of Perpetual Help.

Thank you, Tara Whitney...

2010-06-19T10:58:00.000-05:00

...for this post.

And for this quote: Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are… Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect Tomorrow. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in my pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return. - Mary Jean Iron

I so needed it... And, yes, I am hopelessly behind on my blog reading.

and again?

2010-06-17T22:01:00.000-05:00

So I've probably miscarried yet again. I won't know for sure for at least a week (when a pregnancy test should be negative again). This is the third time now, and each time has been very different. I guess the old adage that every pregnancy is different holds true for those that end in miscarriages as well as ones that end in regular deliveries.

I don't think I'm going to attach any pictures this time. I've posted a positive pregnancy test before (and I used the exact same brand this time around so just go look at that picture or use your imagination), and I didn't take pictures of the rest of it. What I thought might have been the baby looked nothing like pictures of a baby at that gestational age. So either it wasn't actually the baby or the baby developed abnormally. And if you want to see pictures of blood clots and placentas, well, there are a few examples on google.

I'm holding out a little hope that 1)this wasn't a miscarriage at all but a subchorionic bleed or something similar or 2)that this was a twin pregnancy and just one of the babies passed. I'm around 90% positive that I passed a placenta, so if there is still a baby I'm pretty sure it will have been the latter scenario.

St. Anthony novena - day nine

2010-06-13T23:24:00.002-05:00

Image from the St. Anthony page of the St. Anthony Parish in Balfron, Scotland.

Good Saint Anthony, in God's providence you have secured for His people many marvelous favors. You have been especially celebrated, good Saint Anthony, for your goodness to the poor and the hungry, for finding employment for those seeking it, for your special care of those who travel, and for keeping safe from harm all who must be away from home. You are widely known also, good Saint Anthony, for securing peace in the family, for your delicate mercy in finding lost things, for safe delivery of messages, and for your concern for women in childbirth. In honoring you, Saint Anthony, for the many graces our Lord grants through your favor, we trustfully and confidently ask your aid in our present need. Pray for us, good Saint Anthony, that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. May it be a source of joy, O God, to your Church that we honor the memory of your Confessor and Doctor, Saint Anthony. May his spiritual help always make us strong, and by his assistance may we enjoy an eternal reward. This we ask through Jesus Christ, your Son, our Lord. Amen.

St. Anthony novena - day eight

2010-06-12T22:16:00.002-05:00

Image is from this St. Anthony page.

Glorious Saint Anthony, I salute you as a good servant of Christ, and a special friend of God. You once were favored to hold the Christ Child in your arms as you cherished His world in your heart. Today I place all my cares, temptations, and anxieties in your hands. I resolve ever to honor you by imitating your example. Powerful patron, model of purity and victor over fleshly impulses, please win for me, and for all devoted to you, perfect purity of body, mind, and heart. I promise by my example and counsel to help others to the knowledge, love, and service of God. Amen.

St. Anthony novena - day seven

2010-06-11T13:00:00.001-05:00

Image from this St. Anthony of Padua page.

Dear St. Anthony, comforting the sorrowful is a Christian duty and a work of mercy. By word, attitude, and deed I should try to brighten their days and make their burden easier to bear. St. Anthony, Consoler of the Afflicted, may I remember when helping someone in sorrow that I am helping Christ Himself. Kindly mention my pressing needs to Him. (Name you special intentions).

St. Anthony novena - day six

2010-06-10T13:00:00.006-05:00

Image is from the History page of the St.Anthony Parish in Canton, OH.

Dear St. Anthony, you took the words of Jesus seriously, "Be perfect, even as your heavenly Father is perfect." The Church honors you as a Christian hero, a man wholly dedicated to God's glory and the good of the redeemed. St. Anthony, Model of Perfection, ask Jesus to strengthen my good dispositions and to make me more like you, more like Him. Obtain for me the other favors I need. (Name them.)

St. Anthony novena - day five

2010-06-09T16:30:00.002-05:00

Image from the yenra.com St. Anthony prayers page. Many of the prayers posted for this novena also came from here.

Dear St. Anthony, God wants us to see Christ, our brother, in everyone and love Him truly in word and in deed. God wills that we share with others the joy of His boundless love. St. Anthony, Generator of Charity, remember me in the Father's presence, that I may be generous in sharing the joy of His love. Remember also the special intentions I now entrust to you. (Name them.)

Greetings from...

2010-06-09T10:56:00.000-05:00

Another new blog is up. Enjoy!

St. Anthony novena - day four

2010-06-08T22:58:00.001-05:00

Image found on the Franciscan Friars St. Anthony novena page.

Dear St. Anthony, your prayers obtained miracles during your lifetime. You still seem to move at ease in the realm of minor and major miracles. St. Anthony, Performer of Miracles, please obtain for me the blessings God holds in reserve who serve Him. Pray that I may be worthy of the promises my Lord Jesus attaches to confident prayer. (Mention your special intentions.)

St. Anthony novena - day three

2010-06-07T22:51:00.002-05:00

Image is from the St. Anthony novena page at EWTN.

O Holy St. Anthony, gentlest of Saints, your love for God and Charity for His creatures, made you worthy, when on earth, to possess miraculous powers. Encouraged by this thought, I implore you to obtain for me (request). O gentle and loving St. Anthony, whose heart was ever full of human sympathy, whisper my petition into the ears of the sweet Infant Jesus, who loved to be folded in your arms; and the gratitude of my heart will ever be yours. Amen.

St. Anthony novena - day two

2010-06-06T12:00:00.013-05:00

Image from the St.Anthony of Padua gallery.

St. Anthony, you are glorious for your miracles and for the condescension of Jesus, Who came as a little child to lie in your arms. Obtain for me from His bounty the grace which I ardently desire. You were so compassionate toward sinners, do not regard my unworthiness. Let the glory of God be magnified by you in connection with the particular request that I earnestly present to you.

[State your request here.]

As a pledge of my gratitude, I promise to live more faithfully in accordance with the teachings of the Church, and to be devoted to the service of the poor whom you loved and still love so greatly. Bless this resolution of mine that I may be faithful to it until death.

St. Anthony, consoler of all the afflicted, pray for me.
St. Anthony, helper of all who invoke you, pray for me.
St. Anthony, whom the Infant Jesus loved and honored so much, pray for me. Amen.

Smile!

2010-06-06T00:12:00.000-05:00

The new blog is up!

St. Anthony novena - day one

2010-06-05T23:59:00.003-05:00

St. Anthony of Padua's feast day is June 13th. So I'm beginning a novena today. Feel free to join me.

Image taken from Derdo's Weblog.

Saint Anthony, great wonder-worker, intercede for us that God may grant us our request if it be for the good of our soul.

treasure hunting

2010-06-05T23:40:00.001-05:00

My mom is spending the weekend with us, and today we spent about 6 hours in the car tracking down historical markers and letterboxes. We had a lot of fun and found some really cool spots off the beaten path.

letterboxing at Jennings Mountain Cemetery

Read more about letter boxing here. And this site and this site are cool places to keep track of historical markers you've visited. If you're in Texas, you can look up historical markers here.

news

2010-06-01T16:43:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm pregnant again. I'm telling everyone early this time because it's just too weird when people don't even know you are pregnant and then you miscarry. So this time everyone's going to know practically from the beginning. Hopefully I won't have to find out if it's easier that way or not. Please, please pray for this baby.

In other news, I'm starting a few other blogs. The first post for one of them should be up sometime today or tomorrow. I'll come back and link it then.

How have you been lately?

interesting link

2010-04-23T21:32:00.000-05:00

Over a year ago, I posted about vaccines that use fetal tissue as one of their ingredients. Now some new evidence seems to suggest that this fetal tissue may be linked to the rise of Autism spectrum disorders. One more reason to avoid these vaccines.

HT Pewsitter.

Adrian Casey

2010-04-11T21:50:00.001-05:00

I finally received a definitive answer yesterday. Since this whole miscarriage misadventure began almost two weeks ago, I've had mixed emotions and weird experiences. I was hopeful that perhaps I hadn't miscarried because the bleeding was lighter than a normal period, but I was doubtful because of the cramping. Then I had two weird pregnancy test experiences where both tests gave me no results whatsoever - not even a control line. I bought a different brand and took two more pregnancy tests, and both of them showed a shadow line where the blue "pregnant" line should have been. So, even though I thought that the bleeding had probably been an actual miscarriage, there was still room for hope. And we all know that sometimes hope is a hard thing.

Yesterday I decided to pick up yet another brand of test. This time I got one of the types with pink dye (vs. the blue dye ones that were giving me the shadow lines) just like the type I got the initial "pregnant" result with. So I had come full circle. And here's my answer:

The baby is gone. What I knew to be true is true. I'm sad that I'll never see this baby. I don't know if it is a boy or girl. I don't have any pictures. There's no body to bury. It's like the baby was here and gone before I even got a real chance to process the whole thing. And that makes it very hard.

I've been calling this baby Adrian to myself since I first suspected I was going to lose it. Even when I was debating unisex A names, Adrian was always in the back of my mind. All I had to do was settle on a middle name. There aren't many unisex C names. And even fewer that I like. But I was drawn to Casey, and I ran it past Aaron. He was ok with it. So this baby has a name. Maybe you think it's silly to name a baby that I never even saw and barely even knew (and I'll admit it seems a little odd to me in some ways as well). But it is a baby - our baby. And I feel it deserves a name as much as Avery or any of us do.

I've really been struggling with God's purpose for giving me another baby and then taking it away so quickly. I've been a little bitter and angry even. I told God how hard it was for me to understand His Will on this, and then as I was reading through my 30 Days for Life devotion I found this passage, "No human life is random or alone. No human life was created without purpose. Not one human life is without destiny." (The emphasis is mine.) Even if I don't understand His Will or purpose, there is one. That was reiterated to me tonight just when I needed it to be.

Avery and Adrian, pray for us!

a little lesson

2010-04-07T11:51:00.000-05:00

Aaron had two interviews today, so I was helping him get ready by ironing his shirt and pants.

Amelie: "Why are you doing all of the work?"

me: "I love Daddy so I'm helping him get ready so he can relax and not be stressed about his interviews. Plus I can iron faster than him."

Amelie: "Oh. Well, what can I do for Aiden?"

I guess she's learning some things after all.

Here we are again...

2010-03-30T16:17:00.001-05:00

I need a miracle. God saw fit to answer my prayers and gave me another baby. But now it looks as if I am miscarrying already. Tomorrow I would be 5 weeks along. That probably comes as a surprise to many of you since I haven't had much time to tell people yet.

I'm crushed and trying to discern a purpose in this. All I can do is offer up my suffering. God has a plan, even if I don't understand it.

I'm not sure what the next step is. I know it's possible to have some early bleeding and not miscarry. So I'm not sure if I should go to a doctor and have my hormone levels checked or just what. I'm waiting to hear back from my midwife to see what she suggests.

Never touch a germy soap pump again.

2010-02-18T19:21:00.001-06:00

Am I missing something here? So what if there are bacteria on the pump of your soap? You don't generally touch the pump after you wash your hands, do you? So shouldn't all those bacteria that your pump is just waiting to transfer to your hands get washed off during the hand washing process??

I think this is just yet another way to get our money by playing into our fears. Or maybe my nursing education thus far has been all for nought and I'm missing something incredibly obvious here.

an important story

2010-02-17T18:31:00.004-06:00

Please head over to Creative Minority Report, one of my favorite blogs, and read the Baby Gianna Story.

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
and the follow-up

RIP Rachelle

2010-02-09T16:59:00.002-06:00

Please pray for Aaron's family. His sister passed away on Sunday. She was 21 years old.

picture found

2010-01-31T11:28:00.005-06:00

I found this picture on my photobucket. It was taken from my cell phone a day or two before Aiden was discharged from the NICU. I think he weighed around 5 lbs. at the time. I really love this picture - he's making such a goofy face. :)

this makes me crazy

2010-01-28T10:47:00.003-06:00

So I was searching cafe press for NFP items, and I ran across this t-shirt:

This makes me crazy! Now, I will fully admit that there are valid medical reasons for having a c-section. I've had one myself (after much whining and debating, I should add). But the way c-sections are now touted as a normal alternative to vaginal childbirth seriously makes me want to vomit. I don't have a lot of time to post right now, but let's just say that there is ample evidence out there about the risks of c-sections that no woman should just reflexively book a c-section! Planned inductions without valid medical reasons are bad enough, but planned c-sections "just because" are even worse. And wearing this t-shirt out and about screams that you are either ignorant on the issue or just plain ignorant.

Happy 2010!

2010-01-02T02:20:00.004-06:00

I hope this year is the best yet.

I just adore this picture of my grandparents with my uncle; it doesn't really have anything to do with the new year.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-27T23:41:00.006-06:00

Hope your Christmas season is full of love and joy!

Avery Christian

2009-11-25T08:03:00.007-06:00

Warning, the following post may contain graphic descriptions and/or pictures that may disturb you. Read at your own risk.

Aaron and I named the baby Avery, which is the boy name we had picked out already. We didn't have a middle name yet, so we threw around some ideas until we found one that fit.

Our little boy is buried at my aunt and uncle's house. I took him out there Sunday inside an old eyeglasses case. It was a beautiful day, and my uncle had a nice spot picked out for him. My uncle had built a little cedar box to put the remains in. After lunch I was able to find a little alone time to transfer Avery from the case to the box. Then my uncle put some kind of metallic tape all over the box to keep it from rotting. He told me he was honored that I am letting Avery be buried there. I couldn't stand to watch him be buried, so I will have to visit him soon.

I still break down at least once a day. Sunday night was the worst. I was trying to pick out a picture of Avery's feet to hang on the wall, and I just wasn't sure if any of them were good enough (still haven't decided). And Avery was gone, and I'd never see him again (on Earth). There would be no more opportunities to get a picture of him. What I have is all I'll ever have.

Avery Christian Hartley

Things I am grateful for:

that Avery didn't suffer
that he is already in heaven
that I was able to see him
that he was small enough that there was no pushing pain, just contractions
family and friends that have supported me through this
that I didn't have to have a D&C
that I cleaned the bathtub Saturday morning "just because" even though it wasn't on my to-do list

Things I have learned:

some people will know what to say and some won't
contractions during a miscarriage are as bad as contractions during labor
laboring in a tub of water makes the contractions so much easier to bear
miscarriages hurt you emotionally far, far worse than you can imagine

ObamaCare

2009-11-24T12:25:00.001-06:00

Stolen from the Crescat:

blogging my miscarriage pt.3

2009-11-22T21:19:00.014-06:00

Warning, the following post may contain graphic descriptions and/or pictures that may disturb you. Read at your own risk.

November 22:
Aaron gets home from work around 1:30. My contractions have really ramped up, and I want to get back into the tub. I show him the hat I made for the baby, and he looks at me as if he thinks I've gone crazy. He hugs me and won't let me go.

I run the bath water and pull a stool with some books and magazines over near the tub. As soon as get into the water the blood starts gushing out. I see what I think is the baby's back, but it comes out more and it is a face. I am really freaked out, and it takes me a minute to calm back down.

With each contraction, blood rushes into the bathtub. The water is dark pink. I don't want Aaron to be scared if he should come into the bathroom so I close the shower curtain. Sure enough, he soon comes to check on me. I warn him not to look. I assure him I'm fine and tell him it's very important that he comes back in ten minutes because I really can't tell how much blood I'm losing in the water.

The baby finally comes out with a pop, but it is attached by its cord still. I try to study it but it's not out far enough for me to really see. I'm afraid for it to stay in the tub because I'm afraid it will disintegrate before I can take some pictures. There is some filmy looking stuff attached to it, and I can't decide if it's just remnants of the amniotic sac or if its skin is coming off.

I wait and wait through horrible contractions thinking that the placenta should be coming soon. Finally a lot of bloody tissue comes out. I think it is the placenta, but the baby is still stuck. I wait and wait some more.

I finally get tired of emptying and refilling the tub and just want out! I think the baby's cord must be attached to a small piece of placenta that just won't let go. So I decide to cut the cord so I can get out of the tub and start taking pictures of the baby. I figure the rest of the placenta will come out in a while.

I clean up the baby as best as I can and take some pictures. I pray they turn out ok. The hat fits pretty well, but I end up having to make a large cuff.

The baby is so fragile and feels a little like the surface of jello. I was not expecting this. I am fairly certain it is a boy. His little face is so sweet, and his arms and legs are perfect. The hands and feet are beautiful and remind me of tiny baby doll hands. His head is still large, and his neck seems to be swollen. I'm not sure if this is indicative of something being wrong. My pet theory is that my body has kept pumping blood into his, but since his little body wasn't able to pump it back out it has pooled into his neck. He's somewhere around 3-5 inches long. It's hard to tell for sure because his body wants to stay curled up like it was inside.

These were all taken in water.

While I am taking the pictures, I soak through pad after pad. The midwife warned me that this is a sign of hemorrhaging so I know I should probably head to the hospital. I clean up the bathroom as best as I can, and put the baby into the refrigerator. I wake up Aaron and we're on our way to the hospital. It's about 4:00.

I get into a room quickly once we reach the hospital. I am petrified they will have to perform a D&C. The nurse helps me undress and get into bed, and as soon as we pull down my underwear a huge blob rushes out. It is the placenta. What I had seen before was just a lot of blood clots. I saw my placenta after Amelie's delivery so I thought I knew what to look for. I had just assumed the earlier blood clots looked different from what I had seen before because this was a miscarriage. Once the placenta is out the bleeding is drastically stemmed.

The doctor does a pelvic exam and orders a sonogram just to make sure all the tissue has passed. They also draw blood and run some saline. The sonogram comes back clean. No D&C is necessary! My blood work also comes back good. The doctor says I must not have been anemic before so that's a good thing. I am free to go.

We get home at 7:00 and fall into the bed. It is finally over.

blogging my miscarriage pt.2

2009-11-21T23:10:00.013-06:00

Warning, the following post may contain graphic descriptions and/or pictures that may disturb you. Read at your own risk.

November 21:
I wake up early even though the kids are gone and immediately my head is full of plans for the day. I make a to do list that I know I probably will not finish. Aaron goes and gets me McDonald's, and then I take him to work. I come home and clean the bathtub and shower. It's 11:30 when I finish.

Somehow the time disappears, and it is 1. Meleah is going to run errands with me so we both get dressed. I curl my hair and put on make-up. I worry a little that someone will see me out looking so made up and think I was lying about the whole miscarriage. I actually worry a lot that people will think the whole pregnancy was made up now that there will be no baby. Is this a normal fear?

One of my errands is to find a hat for the baby. I'm pretty stuck on the idea that the baby should have a hat although I have no idea what size its head will be. I worry that if I don't deliver the baby soon that it will disintegrate inside of me leaving me to only wonder what it looked like.

Meleah tells me that people think the idea of me taking pictures of the baby is creepy. We discuss the creepy factor along with the ideas I've run through about what to actually do with the baby once I've delivered it. She thinks most of my ideas are crazy and tells me that she thinks part of me died with the baby and now I'm a little crazy. I've already wondered myself if I'm doing crazy things. Am I now locked in a weird reality where I think I'm living my life but in actuality I'm writing on the wall with feces?

The first place we go is Target. We shop a bit before heading toward the things we came for. In the book aisle I come across Notes Left Behind. I read a Yahoo article about the book several weeks ago and wanted to read it. Just skimming through it makes me break down right there. Meleah isn't sure what to do. She asks me if I need a hug or for her to walk away. I tell her I'll be fine in a second. I push the cart over to the coffee aisle and start babbling randomly about a percolator. I must be crazy.

We pick out a new shower curtain liner and then head to the toys. I scour all the baby dolls and Barbies, but there are no dolls with hats that I think will fit the baby. Toys'R'Us is my only hope.

Meleah and I run a few more errands, and then she takes me to get my car so she can head over to spend the evening with her boyfriend. I head straight to Toys'R'Us. I spend about an hour looking over all the toys again. There is one great hat, but I'm sure it is too big. There is another possibility but it's on the head of a fake Barbie that's only sold in a four pack for $15.00. I think it will fit but don't really like it so I balk at spending that much money.

I suddenly have the brilliant idea of making my own hat. I head over to the Babies'R'Us side to buy a hat to use as a pattern and as material. They don't have any hats that I like so I decide to buy some white onesies to use as fabric. As I'm paying for the onesies I glance over to the sale rack and see some baby pants that are perfect to use as a hat. I buy them instead. They cost me less than $2.00, and this makes me very happy. I also notice they have another pair in case I fail miserably at making a hat and need to return for more fabric.

When I get home I make a prototype hat out of an old sheet. It turns out fair so I use it as a pattern and make a hat out of the baby pants. I don't quite like it so I search the kids' closet for an old baby hat to use as a real pattern. I find one and take it apart. My first try using it as a pattern is pretty good but still not quite right. I make some adjustments to the pattern and try again. The results are very satisfying. I save the rest of the pants just in case the hat is way too big or way too small, but I think I can make it work the way it is.

Depending on how this fits the baby, I may make the cuff larger or uncuff it completely and have it be a "slouchy" hat.

I have been bleeding and cramping all day, and I feel like I'm having some contractions. I go to the bathroom and decide to try to push the baby out. I sit on the floor and visualize a baby crowning. I try to breathe the way I breathed when Amelie was born. I change into a squatting position to let gravity help and pretend that I am in labor with this baby. This was to be my first drug-free, natural childbirth - complete with alternative labor and pushing positions. I try to visualize the baby moving from my uterus and down the birth canal. After about five minutes I get scared that I might make the placenta detach prematurely and hemorrhage out in the bathroom.

The pushing makes the contractions stronger. I pray they will get even stronger - and soon. Aaron will be home in a few hours, and I really want to do this alone. Even worse, I will be spending tomorrow at my aunt and uncle's house. I really don't want to have the baby somewhere else.

November 22:
I'm standing in front of the bathroom mirror when I feel a big rush of fluid. I peek down into my underwear and see a very dark, runny fluid gushing onto my pad. I tell the baby to please hold on and quickly run a bath. I check the time - 12:08.

I get into the tub and let the warm water wash over me. I forget to grab a book so I decide to use my fingers and pray the Rosary instead. I try to visualize the baby coming and feel sure it will come before I reach the next decade. I am wrong.

I finish the Rosary and pray a quick prayer to St. Anne. I then ask God to make this go as quick as possible and let me see His will in all of this. I am desperate to have this over before Aaron comes home from work.

I talk to the baby, pick at my toes, and stare down into the water. I warm up the bath several times. Contractions come and go. No baby.

I have the idea to use some pH paper the midwife gave me and check to see if the fluid was amniotic fluid. The pH paper didn't turn navy when I tested the fluid I was leaking on Tuesday. Today it does. I know the delivery is imminent.

I grab a magazine and read. Finally I have to get out of the bath. The water has almost completely seeped out of the tub and surely Aaron will be home soon. I have both house keys so I have to be able to let him in. I check the time again - 1:05. I am disappointed.

There is more to this story but it cannot be blogged yet. I am off to the hospital.

blogging my miscarriage pt.1

2009-11-21T11:42:00.010-06:00

Warning, the following post may contain graphic descriptions and/or pictures that may disturb you. Read at your own risk.

November 16:
I sneeze while sitting at the computer and feel a rush of fluid that soaks through my underwear and pajama pants. I'm a little confused by this as I don't think I peed when I sneezed. I think that it could be seminal fluid residue but don't know why it is exiting several hours later. I change into some shorts.

Several hours later I'm lying in bed when I feel another fluid rush. This time my shorts are soaked by what looks to be fluid the color of weak tea. Again I'm confused but go back to bed.

November 17:
I have clinical for four hours. During clinical I keep thinking that my underwear feel wet. Each time I go to the bathroom there is a peachy colored, watery discharge on the toilet paper.

I have a midwife appointment scheduled for the next day but am anxious. I call the midwife as soon as I get home, and she offers to drive to Tyler to meet me. I decide to drive to Gladewater and meet her instead, as I don't want to inconvenience her over my being paranoid.

When I meet her at her offices in Gladewater I explain that I've been feeling smaller over the past week. She checks my urine to see if I possibly have an infection, and the dipstick registers blood. I lie down on the bed while she goes out to her car for the better doppler.

She returns with the doppler and begins listening for a heartbeat. We hear nothing. There was a heartbeat four weeks ago (at 13 1/2 weeks gestation). She tells me there is a slight chance that the baby is in a weird spot, but she is 99% sure I will miscarry. She advises me on what to expect and sends me on my way after a few hugs and tears.

On the way home I start making my phone calls. My sister and my mom both cry. Aaron is clearly upset, but is more stunned that I'm telling him right before he has to go to work. He tells me later that he cried on the way in. My grandmother is afraid I'm mad at her because she wasn't happy about me being pregnant in the first place. I assure her that I'm not mad at her.

My sister stays with the kids while I go to the Rosary service at church. This is something I've been trying to go to for a while, but tonight I'm desperate to attend. I am pleasantly surprised that in addition to saying the Rosary, the group says a perpetual novena to Our Lady of Perpetual Help - one of my favorite Marian titles. I pray that this is all a weird mistake, or, that if it's not, Jesus and Mary will comfort me.

I call Aaron's mom on the way home from church. She takes the news in stride but can't talk long because she is out with a friend. I spend the night in anxious expectation. There is no more fluid leakage or any spotting. I pull out my stethoscope and try to hear a heartbeat. I put the kids to bed early and try to study for tomorrow's test. I give up and go to bed. Again I listen with the stethoscope. I hear nothing, but I reassure myself that it's really too early to hear a fetal heartbeat with a stethoscope anyway.

The night offers little sleep. The little sleep I do get is filled with weird dreams.

November 18:
I wake up more confused and anxious than ever. I go to school and sit through the first hour of lecture. I can't sit there any longer and leave. I head to the midwife's office, praying that she will find a heartbeat today.

The midwife fits me in as soon as she can. She tells me that the only way to know for sure if the baby is alive is to have a sonogram done. She calls in a different midwife to listen for a heartbeat again first. Again I lie on a bed, staring at the ceiling, while the doppler makes its way across my belly. Again there is no heartbeat to be heard. This midwife also explains that even if we didn't hear a heartbeat we should hear the baby kicking and moving, and she didn't hear that, either.

I decide I have to have a sonogram to know for sure. They put in a call to the sonographer and promise to call me when he calls back.

I head home for the lunch break and then return to school for my test. I'm the first one finished. When I reach the car I receive a text. The sonogram appointment is scheduled for three. I text Aaron about lunch, but they ate a pizza after I went back to the school. He tells me to get myself something. I decide on Jason's Deli because I'm obsessed with the broccoli and cheese soup. I eat slowly to kill time and then head across town for the sonogram.

I'm a half hour ahead of my appointment, but they have me come in anyway. Lying in the tiny sonogram room, waiting for the sonographer, I break down. I try to compose myself. He comes in and does the sonogram. The baby's profile is clearly visible, but there is no movement. The sonographer shows me the that the placenta is still looking good and is providing good blood flow to the baby. But the baby is clearly dead. The back of the skull is caving in ever so slightly, and the brain does not appear to be the right size. He explains that perhaps this is the reason the baby died, but he also said it could be that the it is just shrinking since it is not growing anymore. Without an autopsy we'll never be sure.

The baby's measurements point to it being about 13 1/2 weeks gestation. We know it was alive at that point, so it probably stopped growing around 14 weeks - which is about where my uterus was measuring. I actually think it could have been even a little later than that since my uterus has measured small in my past pregnancies. Again, we'll never know for sure.

The sonographer burns a CD for me of the sonogram pictures. I stop at Walgreens to print one right away, but the files are low resolution and won't be clear if I print. I start crying and leave.

I become obsessed with the idea of finding the baby when it passes and taking pictures. I stop at Babies'R'Us to find a good baby blanket. I cry through the store, and I'm sure that the lady at the check-out must think I'm crazy.

At home I put the sonogram disc in the computer. On the screen the pictures are large and clear. There is really only one good side view. I'm not even completely convinced it is a profile view, but it is definitely a different angle than the one that is viewing the baby from the top down, so I'm just going to assume it is the side view. I take pictures of the sonogram picture on the screen so that I can have a bigger print.

The picture on the left is what I think is the profile view. The only reason I question it is because of the arm positions. The one on the right I know is looking at the baby from the top down. So the first one is definitely not looking straight from the top down, but I can't be sure if it's a definite profile or not, either.

I cry a lot more tonight. I call my friend Pamela who says she will try to meet me tomorrow. Aaron is very sweet to me. I begin to have some spotting and cramping. It looks like the light brown discharge stuff you have at the end of your period. I pray that this will all be over soon.

November 19:
I skip class. I have a project due but just don't care at this point. Throughout the day I have very light spotting. It still looks the same. I cry a little on and off but mostly just want to be left alone. I scour the internet to find out how long it might be until I begin to pass the baby. I find very little helpful information. I do find some very clear pictures of a baby that was miscarried. I e-mail the blog owner to find out how she took the pictures. I want beautiful pictures of my baby, too.

We meet Pamela and her family for dinner. It's the only time I leave the house all day.

November 20:
There is more spotting today and some mild cramps. The discharge has become dark brown and maroonish. I e-mail the midwife to see if I'm going to know when the baby's coming. I'm petrified it will fall in the toilet. She e-mails back and assures me that I will know when the baby's coming. She says that the spotting I'm seeing means the placenta is detaching. She says I will most likely have 2 to 6 hours of contractions before the baby comes.

The lady that took pictures of her miscarried baby e-mails me back. She is very kind and shares her description of her miscarriage and also tips on how to take good pictures of the baby. Her story gives me an even better idea of what to expect as this all plays out.

I am very grumpy today. Aaron goes to work, and I just cannot deal with the kids. I call my mom to come get them for the weekend. She and my dad have to drive from Dallas and don't arrive until after nine so I end up dealing with the kids all night anyway. Still I am relieved when I am alone.

Almost as soon as they leave I begin to have mild contractions and the bleeding becomes heavier. I think that the baby will come soon. I lie on the couch to watch a movie and wait. I fall asleep. The baby never comes.

new semester

2009-08-26T19:36:00.002-05:00

Wow, has it really been almost two months since my last blog post? Well, I guess I'm not all that surprised. This summer was very eventful for us.

But it's over now. :( The fall semester officially began for me today. Blegh. And of course it was accompanied by one mean headache that lasted all day. I think this semester will be ok. I'll probably be way too busy, but maybe that will make it fly by. One can hope.

couldn't have said it better

2009-07-03T12:13:00.006-05:00

People don't seem to understand me anymore. If I was still a teenager, looking at this version of me, I wouldn't understand me, either. This version of me is a surprise. But I like her. And I can't explain it to you in a clever, read-able way. Because, despite my teenage dreams, I'm not a writer - at least not a very good one. Thankfully, Matthew Archbold (and his brother Patrick) over at Creative Minority Report is a writer. And he summed up how I feel about this point in my life very nicely in this post. Here is a particular meaningful passage:

The question sometimes comes up in conversation with old friends. What was the best time of your life? And I'm sometimes embarrassed to admit it but right now is the best time of my life. Truly. And I'm a short chubby bearded dad living in the suburbs. I mow my lawn. I pay bills. I talk to my wife about what she did that day. I change diapers. Lots of them. Sometimes we go get ice cream. I do all those things that angsty pubescents jeer at.

I've lived in the suburbs coming up on ten years. And I've yet to feel my soul sucked. I don't really do angst. I think I used to. But I think I've forgotten where I put my existential angst. I'm happy. And even more importantly, I'm content. I'm focused.

So often his characters are running around and saying they're looking to "feel" something. I think I'm content because I don't consider my feelings all that important. And because of that I feel things more intensely than I did ever before in my life. A child's utterances can have me laughing all day. I feel the pain of a parent who sees his child hurt. I feel tired just about all the time but it's the tired that comes from doing something you love. It's not the weary kind of tired that Mendes' characters seem to feel.

And finally, there's one thing I don't ever remember hearing from Mendes' characters: God.

God, thankfully, is at the center of my life. And that puts me in proper perspective.
Now if, like Mendes' character seem to often do, I found myself at the center of my own universe I'd be pretty depressed too.

Obviously I'm not a dad. And I live in an apartment so there is no mowing of lawns. But most of the rest of it fits. So, while you and my teenage self may not understand me, there are people out there, thankfully, who do.

mainstream media

2009-07-02T20:53:00.002-05:00

Is the mainstream media finally chafing from the chains?

a few things...

2009-06-23T14:56:00.004-05:00

that I'm grateful for:

an old acquaintance becoming a new friend
my sister helping us out today
no rain predicted for Friday

that I'm hopeful for:

some clouds and a nice breeze on Friday
that I get my packing and chores done early enough for a good night's rest
a response to my e-mail

What's on your list today?

new way of watching the news

2009-06-19T21:45:00.002-05:00

These guys have more videos, but I wanted to share the latest. Watch them on YouTube.

history

2009-06-19T11:14:00.008-05:00

Inspired by this post, I decided to look back and see what pictures were taken of us on this day. Well, we didn't have a digital camera until the fall of 2007, so that only left last year to pick from. And, no pictures were taken on June 19th of 2008. The closest were these little beauties, taken on the 17th.

photos removed by blog owner

What in the world are these? They are very poorly shot pictures featuring (then) three year old Amelie covered in cheap purple lip gloss, because at the time it was funny. Sadly, these don't really hold up over time. They seem dumb now. And I don't suppose they'll ever find their way into a scrapbook.

social commentary

2009-05-22T18:55:00.006-05:00

This morning at breakfast Amelie said something really profound. I don't remember exactly what conversation led to this little gem, but she looked at me and said, "Sometimes I'm bad. Sometimes I'm good". Exactly.

In other news, here's a baby that's bad (well, the parent is, anyway).

happy kids, happy Mother's Day

2009-05-11T22:02:00.007-05:00

I had a good Mother's Day yesterday. Amelie was really into it, and even wanted to give me more presents after I opened the two she (and Aaron and Aiden) got for me. I had planned to post more, but I was wiped out yesterday. So here are some more pictures. Enjoy!

Um...not sure what happened here. This was supposed to be bigger. I don't have time to fix it right now. Maybe another post perhaps.

Oh! If you click it it makes it larger. Good to know.

attention

2009-05-02T00:15:00.004-05:00

Some of you may know that I have a penchant for old buildings. What these people are doing is so wonderful. I will be making a donation in the near future, and I hope you will consider doing so, too. Oh, and I think a detour to visit this summer is in order. Hopefully it's not too far out of our way when we drive to Iowa.

Be afraid.

2009-04-30T23:57:00.001-05:00

Read this blog post. Watch the video. Cry. Pray.

Do you watch CNN?

2009-04-16T23:03:00.001-05:00

If you do, I hope you don't think you're getting unbiased news.

sweet

2009-04-03T08:41:00.005-05:00

While he's nursing, Aiden loves to push on things with his feet or grab things with his hands. This morning, as I often do, I was reading blog posts while I was nursing him. Amelie was sitting next to us. Aiden reached up and turned my face away from the computer to make me look at him. (He does this often.) I gave him a kiss and smiled then turned my head back toward the computer. He reached up again and made me look at him. So I smiled again and made a kissy face at him and went back to reading. Then Amelie gently turned my head to look at her. So I gave her a smile and a kiss, too. (Note to self: Amelie needs as much affection as Aiden.)

A few minutes later Amelie cuddled up to Aiden and said, "Look at those sweet little eyes," and gave him a kiss. He reached over and touched her face. I told her he was saying, "Look at that sweet little face," to her. I said that they really love each other, and she said, "Yeah, we're going to marry." I told her that she couldn't marry her brother, but she insisted. Oh, if only they could always get along this well.

2/25/09

a great summary

2009-03-26T16:52:00.002-05:00

I found the following in the comment section of this blog post, and I had to share it here because it very neatly sums up one of the main pulls of the Catholic Church for me.

"As our country becomes more hostile to Christianity I think we will see two things happen. First, many will come into the Church from the American protestant churches, mostly from the evangelicals. These are good people who really believe, but I don’t think American style protestantism, especially non-denominationalism can survive in a environment that is not basically Christian in nature. American churches not only effect their environment but are also very much effected by it. Thus the slow drift on things like contraception, IVF and even divorce. It is not like these churches want to do this, the problem is more one of culture. Individuals congregations are too small to create an effective culture without insulating themselves from the world. Some churches will try doing just this. Some small fundamentalist churches already do this, but they give up the ability to impact the wider society. We must live in the world without being of the world. This is the reason I am in the church. After my divorce pondered long and hard on the topic of our divorce culture and the way it was impacting our churches. I decided I wanted to find a church that still had a positive culture but wasn’t isolating itself. What a surprise it was to this Church of Christ boy to find the Catholic Church."
-cel

As our society becomes more and more secular, it is nice to have found a place where conservative, traditional values are still appreciated and fought for. The more I learn about the Church, the more blessed I feel to have found her at this time in my life. Now we just have to keep secular society from further infiltrating her and pray for Catholic hearts everywhere to return to our conservative roots.

blog links and a prayer request

2009-03-19T08:23:00.008-05:00

Here's a few blog posts that caught my eye in the past few days:

Pro-life people need to realize what "pro-life" really means.

If you need anymore evidence that Planned Parenthood is evil, check this out.

Suze Orman, are you kidding me?!

There were more, but these really stood out I guess.

Pray for me today. Amelie is being extra challenging. She is pushing every button. I've already half-spanked her, and I've screamed several times. I don't like this version of me. I want to find something else that works. She's currently in a chair in the dining room facing the corner. She's not happy. She's been in time-out for almost an hour, and I think she's maybe finally ready to obey, although she now insists that she doesn't love me anymore.

Ah, the joys of motherhood.

Edited to add one more blog post of note. That's it - I'm done for the day!

vaccine warning

2009-03-10T09:15:00.004-05:00

Maybe you already knew this, but I certainly didn't. Several vaccines that are given to our children are made using "aborted fetal tissue". I've never thought to ask for an ingredient list before letting my children be vaccinated. I'm pretty sick to my stomach right now. Thankfully, there are some alternative vaccines you can have given instead (although I don't know how easy it is to request a different vaccine brand if your doctor's office carries one of the deplorable ones).

More information here and here. Also, this site better explains what is meant by "aborted fetal tissue" although I don't agree with this person's stance.

And some related news.

The New Depression

2009-03-07T20:12:00.003-06:00

I saw this video yesterday and had to share it with you. There is one bad word right at the beginning, so clear any kids out of the room - they probably won't get the references anyway.

Aiden

2009-03-06T11:34:00.009-06:00

typical morning

Aiden is really developing his own personality. It's been building over the past few months, but this week has been amazing.

He thinks he can use the computer.

This morning he came in here and enticed Aaron to chase him by using his gibberish talk at Aaron and then running. When Aaron didn't respond, he ran over to him again, gibbered, and ran. It was hilarious.

Later, Aaron was getting dressed to run to the store for some milk. He put on a hat, then decided he didn't want to wear it. What does my little man do? Grabs it and puts it on of course!
I remember thinking with Amelie that 18 months to 2 years was so much fun, and I'm so thankful that I get to experience that again.

NOW, as you can see in some of these pictures, my house is a mess. So it's time to get off of the computer for a while and actually get something done around here. Seeing the disarray in these pictures is a great motivator.

List for the day:

clean kitchen (including washing dishes, wiping down counters and the table, and sweeping the floor)
replace litter in litterbox
work on the boxes of unpacked junk by the couch (yes, we've lived here over a year)
wash Amelie's clothes (poor child has NO clean shirts)
hang up clean clothes that are stacked in our room, the living room, and still in the dryer
vacuum
take kids outside
Stations of the Cross tonight at 5

Is that too ambitious?

and knitting, and knitting, and knitting...

2009-03-02T15:52:00.006-06:00

Kudos to you if you got the Pee Wee reference.

I am dying to learn how to knit. Not that I need another hobby that will get very little of my time, but I've been promising myself since Amelie's first Christmas that I would learn how to knit - if for the sole purpose of knitting her her very own, overly-long stocking. Since then, I've really gotten interested in knitting for my own pleasure. I'd love to knit myself a sweater, my kiddos a cute hat, or a new scarf for whomever.

Can someone teach me, please?

things on my mind

2009-03-01T19:22:00.003-06:00

First off, I had a wonderful day! My friend Pamela and her mother (and baby Gianna!) came and spent the day with me. Pamela is my sponsor as I go through the RCIA process, and today's Rite was the first she was able to attend with me. After Mass we ate lunch and then came back to my house and discussed Catholic traditions and issues. Then we headed back to the Cathedral for an awesome service. Bishop Corrada was powerful today, both at Mass and at the afternoon service.

Amelie's also very much on my mind today. She is really testing me and feeling for her limits. I need to be very mindful this week to strike quickly at disobedience, or she is going to be completely out of control. Let me tell you, spanking would be so much easier right now. I have to really make a conscious decision to not do that. She also seems over-sensitive for some reason, so I think some extra attention needs to be dished out.

I'd like to post more, but duty calls so I need to wrap up my computer time for the night. I do want to leave you with this link about Red Envelope Day. I've come across this movement three times now, and I don't want to forget about it! As you're preparing your envelope (or envelopes) to be mailed, please say an extra prayer for the unborn and that hearts across America will change on this issue.

follow-up

2009-02-23T18:58:00.003-06:00

I know this isn't a personal posting, but I think this follow-up to the blog I linked in my last post (and its comments) are worth reading.

Liberals always twisting

2009-02-22T10:54:00.002-06:00

Please read this.

The war wages on...

New Element Discovered

2009-02-22T10:31:00.001-06:00

Reposted from What Does the Prayer Really Say?

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium , an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

May God help us survive this growing mass before it becomes a black hole that sucks us all in.

Down

2009-02-18T00:27:00.004-06:00

I've been feeling down the past few days. Not sure what it is exactly - maybe I'm just missing my kids. How do you beat the blues?

Here's a page I did to use as my signature on Families.com. It didn't take me too long, but of course there is no journaling or anything.

background paper, crown, and bow - Erica Zane; staples and quote - Britt-ish Designs; photo frames - Sir Scrapalot Designs; flower - Weeds and Wildflowers.

on being present

2009-01-15T11:18:00.005-06:00

Today I'm going to share with you a little more about juggling, but mainly in how it relates to the concept of being present. At first this concept may seem as if it's in opposition to juggling, but I really think it's key.

The temptation when juggling many things is to try to multitask, but I feel that multitasking really leads to feelings of failure. In fact, as I write this post I am multitasking. I'm typing this post and nursing Aiden. But because I'm doing two things at once, I'm not truly present to either one. Therefore, I don't feel as successful at either task as I would if I were to do each task separately.

If I was completely present writing this post, it would probably be more articulate and get my point across better, not to mention the fact that I could probably write it faster. If I were truly present in nursing Aiden, it would add to the amount of quality time spent with him, and it also wouldn't hurt the way it does right now (since I'm twisting to reach the keyboard as he nurses - ouch!).

I came across the concept of being present on another blog (I would link to it, but I can't remember whose blog it was), and it really struck a chord with me. She said that she is trying to truly be present to whatever task she is working on. That really hit me; I'm almost never present at any task. At any given time, I'm doing at least two things at once - nursing Aiden and looking at the computer, reading and watching a movie with the kids, sitting at school and making lists of chores to do later, etc.

Obviously I'm still not good at being present (as evidenced by my prior confession), but it is a concept I'm working on. I really think it will lead me to not only feel more successful at my juggling act but to be more successful at it.

Is this concept new to you? What do you think?

on juggling

2009-01-15T11:17:00.001-06:00

I've been thinking about this post since Monday when I started back to school. As many of you know, this is my first semester of the nursing program at UT Tyler.

I want to share some of my thoughts on juggling. I know this is a concern that most women share, and probably most men, although I think men probably spend less time thinking/worrying about it. Now that I'm actually in the intensive part of my nursing education, I find myself worrying even more about how I will "get it all done".

How am I going to balance being a student with being a mom, wife, etc? Here are the areas of my life which I really focus on:

being a wife
being a mom
being a student
going to church
time spent on myself

I would also like to add volunteer work and daily exercise to the list.

Right now, I feel like I'm not reaching my potential in any of these areas.

I don't spend much quality time (or time at all) with Aaron (mostly due to our schedules, but also due to other factors). I don't feel like I spend enough quality time with my children - time that is focused on them and what they want to do. My apartment is a wreck. I don't consider it dirty (except maybe the kitchen), but it is definitely messy. My house is not giving me warm hugs as FlyLady would put it.

Last semester I was not a good student; I was an adequate one. Now that I'm really learning things that could later mean the difference between life and death I have to buckle down and do more than "just pass".

I haven't truly made God a priority in my life yet. I go to RCIA every week, but it's hit or miss if I go to Mass. I'm not spending enough dedicated time in prayer.

I probably spend too much time on myself, but it's not spent doing things that really matter to me. Instead, I waste most of it fiddling around on the internet looking for something to look at.

I really feel a call to volunteer in the pro-life movement, but I have yet to make this a true priority in my life. I never exercise.

So, how am I going to improve my juggling act? I think the keys are prioritizing and organization. I have to keep writing lists (I'm a huge list writer), but I also need to follow those lists. I need to waste less time doing fruitless things. And finally, I need to work on the concept of being present (which I'm going to blog about in my next post).

What areas are you juggling in your life? Do you feel successful?

who I am

2009-01-07T12:08:00.003-06:00

Happy 2009!

The last time I blogged (which, I am embarrassed to say, was over a month ago) I said that I would possibly share some excerpts from a letter I wrote to Aaron. Here you go:

First of all I am a strong, independent woman...

I am also rediscovering my faith in God and am working toward building a better relationship with Him. Right now my journey back to Christ is leading me to the Catholic Church...

Even if I decide not to pursue Catholicism, I firmly believe in Natural Family Planning. I no longer want to use artificial birth control methods...

I want more children. I believe it is our call to have as many children as we can feed, clothe, and educate...

I love my kids and place them as my number two priority. I lean toward an attachment parenting style and think it is best to nurse my children exclusively (when possible) and until they self-wean...[I should also add here that I meant exclusively the first year, and then let them self-wean once the first year has passed] I strive everyday to be a better parent...

I believe that I should be married. I believe that a marriage is the basis of a good family and must be continuously worked on for it to thrive. I believe a good marriage is attainable...

Obviously I have removed a great deal of the letter. I only felt comfortable sharing the parts of the letter that were about me. So that's that - a little insight into who I feel I am and am becoming.

Let me leave you with this:

headache

2008-12-05T22:00:00.003-06:00

So as I was scooping my ice cream just now, I was brainstorming blog topics. Here is what I came up with:

excerpts from a letter written to Aaron
a story about how I am a lazy mom (blame it on the headache) and let my kids make a mess with food

I will blog about these (or at least the first one) another night. Tonight I have a headache. And I have that ice cream to eat. So I hope at least one of my shows has a new episode posted online.

Goodnight, dear readers, all two or three of you...come on, surely there are at least two of you!

Twilight

2008-11-22T19:37:00.001-06:00

Have you seen Twilight yet? No? Well, go ahead and see it! I have to admit that I'm not a die-hard fan of the books (hard to put down but fomulaic and somewhat cheesy), but the movie is beautiful and worth seeing.

The main reason to see this film is the gorgeous scenery. There are many, many breathtaking shots. I don't know if the movie was really filmed in the Pacific Northwest, but it definitely makes you want to pack up and move there.

The second thing that makes this movie good is that there are several electric scenes of Edward and Bella together. They mostly stare at each other, but the actors have great chemistry. The bedroom scene was probably my favorite. And have no fear, this movie was made to include the tween set, so there isn't any hardcore contact.

Now, let me warn you: there are a fair share of corny scenes. This should be expected, though, because there is plenty of corn in the book. And if you've seen the trailer where Edward makes Bella say, "Vampire" outloud, and you didn't vomit - then you can handle the few other corny scenes.

One reason not to see this movie: Kristen Stewart. She was terrible. She overacted in most of her scenes, and she did this strange mouth stuttering thing where she opened and closed her mouth and made weird breathy noises. I think she was trying to act confused, but the director should have seen how annoying it was coming across on film and stopped her. She was pretty wooden, too, but the mouth thing bothered me the most. Then again, I have a thing with mouths.

So, overall, I'd definitely recommend the movie. I would tell you to wait until it comes on video, because it's not a spectacular movie by any means, but the cinematography is worth the price of admission.

feeling good

2008-11-20T14:16:00.000-06:00

I'm really working on trying to be a better parent. And the past few days have really felt progressive. Look at these happy kids:

Aaron took these pictures. Amelie had on her puffy vest and her Supergirl cape. Aiden's happy as usual.

I've been trying really hard with consistent discipline. Not yelling, not repeating myself, following through with a consequence immediately. It's been slow this week, but Amelie seems to be responding just a tiny, tiny bit, and that really encourages me to keep it up.

I also got up early yesterday and today, and it's amazing how a few extra hours in the morning can really change the pace and feel of the day. I've been crossing things off of my to-do list, and that feels awesome!

Last night was one of the best nights in recent memory. Aaron and I took the kids to a drive-in movie to see Madagascar 2. The movie was really cute, and we danced with the kids to the songs. It was so much fun I couldn't stop grinning. That was my first drive-in movie experience, and I can't wait for the next family movie to come out so we can take the kids back.

Tonight I'm going with Meleah to the Twilight premiere. She's pretty excited so I hope the movie doesn't disappoint her.

Well, I'm off to get more things done!

Halloween

2008-11-07T23:02:00.000-06:00

Here they are: my little Halloween babies, as promised several days ago. I think they're pretty much adorable.

As for the picture, well, not so much. I'm thinking of asking for a flash attachment thing for Christmas. I think it was called a Puffer or something like that. Basically it's this thing that attaches to your flash and diffuses it so you don't end up with the harsh shadows like you see here. I wonder if it helps with red eye reduction? I shoot with a Canon Rebel. It generally shoots great pictures, and it has a red eye reduction feature, and yet...I mean, come on, that red eye is horrible!

I need to find some good photography blogs to stalk. I keep stalking all of these scrapbooking blogs and getting inspired, but I rarely ever harness that inspiration. I take way more pictures than I actually scrapbook. Improved photographs would improve my scrapbooks, too, right?

We had an awesome day today. We took an hour long walk on the Rose Rudman trail. It was a gorgeous day, and I love spending time together as a family. Aaron and I were reminiscing about when we were dating. It reminded me of all the fun we used to have together - carefree, crazy, spontaneous fun! We already have a plan for tomorrow which includes more outdoor fun and a trip to the library. I'm looking forward to that because we haven't been to the library here in Tyler. I hope it's cool.

Heavy is the cost.

2008-11-04T22:15:00.000-06:00

Well, it looks as if it's official. Obama is our President-elect. I am deeply worried about the next four years. I am looking forward to 2012. Unless this guy just shocks the pants off of me, I cannot see that he will be successful enough to last eight years.

These next four years are going to be trying. I don't have a crystal ball, but I truly feel we are in for a treacherous journey. I think many will come to regret the vote that they cast. Too many people put themselves over their country, whether it was based on identity politics or misguided notions.

We as conservatives need to take this opportunity to draw closer to God, regroup and refocus our political philosophies, and stay involved politically. We cannot be complacent or downtrodden. There will be Congressional elections in just two short years. They will be crucial. We also need to get involved with non-profits. If we can't change policy through political channels, we must change people's hearts at a grassroots level. (I hate the word grassroots, by the way.)

I have so many thoughts on what went wrong this time, but right now it doesn't matter. We have a new President (or will in January), and we will have to live with the ramifications of that. Even if the near future looks dim, there will be better times ahead. I pray America isn't lost in the meantime.

I had hoped to post about my day and to show you some Halloween pictures, however, I think I need to take some time to reflect on what has transpired and to spend some time in prayer.

God bless America.

Back on track...

2008-11-03T22:43:00.000-06:00

Wow, it's been a while. Best piece of news to give you: I made it into the nursing program for the spring!

Other than that, things around here are pretty much business as usual. Aaron and I had a break from the kids last week. They spent the week in Mesquite with my family. It was nice, but we both kept commenting on how much we missed them.

I came across a really cool blog last week, SouleMama (see blog list for link). She is very inspiring. This is the kind of mom I want to be. I keep finding these blogs, and I just feel like I can do so much better than I'm doing. I do feel like I am on the right track, but it is just so tough with school and our money crunch. I'm trying to really focus on what Aaron and I can do to make things run more smoothly around here.

We had a talk last night about us, schedule, money, etc. Just talking it all over out loud lifts a little of the stress. We really need to re-focus on getting Aaron a better paying job. And I have to find a better way to balance the demands of our family/house/etc with the demands of school.

And here is what makes the stress worth it:

Driving a fire truck! No, seriously (and obviously), the kiddos. This picture is from a couple of weeks ago when Aaron and I took them to the World of Wildlife Museum. They have a neat playground outside.

I'll try to post some Halloween stuff tomorrow. Don't forget to vote!

school started today

2008-08-27T23:49:00.001-05:00

Well, I officially started the fall 2008 semester today. I'm taking Pathophysiology, Concepts of Nursing, and Microbiology (and its lab). My Microbiology lecture class and my Concepts class are online. I have the Micro lab on Mondays and Wednesdays, and the Patho class on Wednesday mornings.

I wish I was taking French or a literature class of some kind. I feel very unbalanced with all of these science and math classes I have been taking over the past few years. I don't want to risk my GPA over a non-essential class, though. I suppose I'll have to round out my corners another way.

I'm a show-off!

2008-07-18T11:59:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post to let you know that I'm in the show-off slideshow on Britt-ish Designs blog today! I'm so excited! Check out her post and her new kit. It is so cute! And the other show-offs...wow! I can only hope to one day have LOs as great as those.

my LOs (so far...)

2008-07-12T00:25:00.001-05:00

Well, I'm up late. Amelie's birthday party is on Sunday, and I'm heading to Dallas tomorrow, so you know what that means...last minute chores. I don't have much to say tonight, but I finished two layouts that I wanted to share.

First, though, here's my very first digital LO that I finally uploaded to photobucket so I could show you.

credits: everything by britt-ish designs except for the gray ribbon which was a freebie off of the catscrap blog

Now, here's the LO I did for my hybrid project (aka Amelie's birthday T-shirt).

credits: pink glitter stars and yellow rub-on swirl by britt-ish designs; star dust by ellie lash; blue stamped stars by miss mint; green cardboard stars by kylie m designs; alpha by eva kipler designs; stitches by gunhild storeide (re-colored); star brackets by sharing creations

And here's a LO that I have been working on that I finished up tonight.

credits: background paper and photo frames by lsds designs; border overlay, glitter spills, and linen flower by weeds&wildflowers design; journaling block by mandy mystiques

Happy 4th of July!

2008-07-06T10:17:00.000-05:00

I meant to post on the actual 4th, but we got home pretty late. I hope everyone has had a nice holiday weekend. Ours has been pretty good. The kids and I drove into Mesquite with Meleah for a surprise visit to our grandparents' house. We ate dinner with them and my parents and then played Chickenfoot. We tried to see fireworks, but the show ended up being on Saturday instead of the actual 4th, so we were a little bummed there. But Amelie saw a lot of fireworks on the drive home so it turned out alright.

My phone is still cut off. :( It's really hard to not have a phone to call people with. I thought we might get the funds together after Aaron's shifts this weekend, but he's been getting the early cuts plus the restaurant has been slow so far this weekend. That all leads to poor cash at the end of the night.

I've been thinking of getting a part time job just to save for some trips, but now it looks like I'm going to have to buckle down and get a serious job. We are simply drowning. Well, on that downer I'm going to end this post.

weekend update

2008-06-22T11:08:00.000-05:00

Well, I finished my first digital layout last weekend...and I haven't digi scrapped since. I did finish a couple of pages in my family album. A big "thank you" to Mama for buying me that little craft table. I've finished 4 pages since I got the table. And I have another two pager in progress. I'm so thankful for having my own little scrap space (even if it's tiny) where I'm able to leave my stuff out and come back to it when I'm able. I've only been scrapping at night after the babies are in bed, but it's been nice. Several times this week Aaron and I have stayed up, drinking coffee, talking, watching movies, etc. And I've been able to scrap while I sit right next to him! :)

We had a great week. All of us went swimming several times up at the apartment pool. Mia came one day, too. Granny and Grandaddy drove out yesterday. They took Amie back with them which is turning out to be a really good thing because Aiden ran fever all night. Poor little baby.

Aaron has to work the day shift today so it's pretty quiet around here with him and Amie gone. I've been enjoying my coffee and downloading and organizing digital files. I'd like to do a layout, but I'm not sure if that will happen or not...

Hi :)

2008-06-13T09:34:00.000-05:00

So, I doubt anyone that knows me IRL has found this (except maybe my sister - Hey, Mia!) so, for today at least, I'm not going to post about my real life. :)

I mostly wanted to at least have one post up on my blog because the site looks funny without some kind of rambling in the middle.

I guess I will set this post up as an introduction to me and why I created this blog (in case you don't read the About Me section).

My name is Amanda, and I live with my fiance, Aaron, and our kiddos, Amelie and Aiden. We are currently residing in Tyler, TX about two hours from Dallas. I am attending the University of Texas at Tyler for nursing. I'm not actually in the program, yet; I'm trying to get in for next spring.

I started this blog mostly as a place to keep all of the digital scrapbooking blogs I like together in one place. If you've stumbled across my blog, please visit the blogs listed. These are some really talented girls. I hope to one day have LOs that look as great as theirs. :)